Becoming a Parent Again: How Having My Third Child Made Me Feel Ten Years Older

I recall the first attempt I made to go outside with all three kids who were younger than five years old.

As we reached the park, my six-week-old baby stirred from sleep and began wailing. Struggling to attach her car seat securely to the stroller, I attempted to soothe her using one arm while fumbling with the buggy’s mechanisms with the other.

Meanwhile, my middle child The two-year-old informed me he needed to use the bathroom just as the five-year-old went off to play.

Just as I’d settled the baby down for a feed, the eldest fell off the swing and started howling.

I hadn't managed to drive for six weeks since my C-section I had recovered, but it felt as though I'd been stranded for an eternity—then, just when I finally got a glimpse of life beyond my confines, everything unfolded simultaneously.

'I wondered what I had done,' I recall. 'Keeping track of everyone isn't possible for me.'

It was overwhelming.

For my spouse, Dom, and me, the arrival of our third child was the final straw. Our children are currently 16, 13, and 11 years old, but our sons, Charlie and Eddie, were just five and two when our daughter, Jemima, came along, as I gave birth at 36 years old.

Still, I had the feeling that giving birth to my third child made me look about ten years older during that initial year.

With three kids, you are always outnumbered. On your own, you only have two hands so someone is always getting the short straw when it comes to cuddles and holding hands.

Sometimes, moments like when someone was sobbing and I had to assist another person with getting dressed made it feel as though there wasn’t enough of me to be everywhere at once.

I would often find myself lying awake at night after getting everyone to sleep, as I had to put them down gradually – the youngest at 7 pm, then the middle child at 7:30 pm, with the oldest going to bed at 8 pm. wracked with guilt .

I would worry about the way I’d snapped at my eldest, Charlie, or feel awful about plonking the toddler, Eddie, in front of In The Night Garden for an hour while I tried to get their dinner ready.

Until his sister Jemima was born, he had been the baby of the family and now suddenly he was the middle child. It seemed as though almost overnight he went from being a placid, easy going little poppet to quite sullen and withdrawn.

I remember the nursery saying his speech and language was delayed and thinking it must be my fault for focusing on the baby so much. He was later diagnosed with autism , which clarified some points, though we weren't aware of that back then.

I have always wanted three children as I am the third child myself and, as my husband is one of four, we had both grown up in fairly big families. I’d only ever seen it from the child’s perspective though, not the parents.

I enjoyed having a big brother and sister as I grew up, but only later did I realize how overwhelming it must have been for our mom.

On those nights when two out of the three were sobbing awake past midnight, leaving me unsure who needed comfort first, or during moments when I’d unlatch their seatbelts only to find them all scrambling to exit simultaneously.

I similarly overlooked how nearly everything, including automobiles, dining table arrangements, and movie theater seats for families, caters primarily to groups of four. Being one short or having extra children alters these experiences.

My spouse dedicated several months to searching for a vehicle capable of fitting three children without causing financial strain.

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I recall several folks mentioning that we could just as well continue for a fourth round, yet with the three of us, we had reached our maximum capacity.

Things have definitely gotten simpler now that my kids are older, though each one is still at various stages. schools and there is a whole new set of challenges, from juggling term times to school emails and remembering who has parents’ evening or inset days.

In five years’ time they will celebrate their 16th, 18th and 21st birthdays, all within three months, so 2030 is going to be a big (and very expensive!) year.

Beyond finances, there’s an emotional price tag attached to ensuring every child feels equally cherished.

However, you know what? I wouldn’t alter anything at all. Although the addition of a third child could’ve tipped things over, for me, three truly feels like the perfect number.

Three can indeed be a crowd, but multiple doses of hugs and affection never grow old.

Would you like to share a tale? Reach out via email for submission. Ross.Mccafferty@.co.uk .

Feel free to share your thoughts in the section below for comments.

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