Music Mended What Dementia Had Torn: My Dad's Journey Home

Simon McDermott was cleaning the dishes afterward. Christmas When he realized something was amiss during lunch, his father, Ted, came sauntering out of the living room to inquire about the 'fantastic' Nelson Mandela book that Simon had just opened.

‘That was from me, Dad,’ Simon replied. Two minutes later Ted returned and asked exactly the same question And then he repeated it once more. And yet again.

'I believed he was just teasing me. Afterward, I got this sense that something wasn't quite right,' says Simon, who is 49 years old. . ‘ I wasn't aware of what dementia entails. Then, or whatever was approaching.'

In the months that followed, Ted, who was 76 at the time, grew increasingly suspicious—throwing around baseless claims that Simon was embezzling money from him, or that his spouse, Linda, was involved in an extramarital relationship, as well as believing that someone had moved his cherished record collection into the neighbors' shed without permission.

He utilized his microphone cables to secure his plants and cluttered the garden with discarded washing machines, metal tables, and office chairs salvaged from skips. If Simon attempted to relocate them, Ted would. fly into a rage . He lashed out at Linda, pulled her from her bed by her hair and ambushed Simon in the night.

'Sometimes when I woke up, he would be standing right in front of me with his arms stretched out,' remembers Simon. 'It was terrifying. I'd lock myself in the guest bedroom with my suitcase.'

At this stage, Simon had taken up residence in London but was devoting his weekend time to visiting Blackburn and assisting his mother through the progressively alarming incidents she was experiencing.

‘I was terrified. It was like living with a monster,’ he says.

Ted was never violent when Simon was growing up. He worked in factories by day and was selling out pubs, clubs and other venues performing a repertoire of show tunes, big band songs and Frank Sinatra ballads by night.

A Butlin’s redcoat in his 30s, Ted became known as the ‘Songaminute Man’ because of the many songs he could sing by heart. He was a showman with a huge personality and a quirky sense of humour. The soundtrack to Simon’s childhood was his dad
singing loudly in the lounge to his favourite records.

When his dad got angry and aggressive, Simon made sure Ted went to see a doctor. Following 18 months of testing, in 2013, he received an Alzheimer’s diagnosis—the leading reason for dementia cases.

‘At last we knew what it was. But 
I didn’t know anything about Alzheimer’s. You couldn’t talk about it “To Dad,” explains Simon, “if you brought up dementia, he would say, ‘I’m fine.’”

'My mum and I were simply focused on getting through each day and managing our anger, tackling things one step at a time, accompanied by cups of tea and biscuits.'

Simon felt lost and unsure about how to safeguard his mother or assist his father. Following panic attacks at his job, assistance arrived through the Dementia Support Line.

The moment the woman responded, I started crying. She clarified that my father's actions were rooted in his own fears — this shifted everything for me. It provided insight into what he was experiencing. Through her, I discovered more effective ways to handle his rage.

He likewise uncovered the therapeutic effects of music, and they began spending hours driving around. singing loudly to the music Ted loves.

'It soothed him. It transformed him from being an agitated, irate man back to his former self. He adored it. You could see he was fully present, belting out songs at the highest volume.'

Simon made a video of Ted singing one of his favourite songs – Quando, Quando, Quando by EngelbertHumperdinck – and put it on a Facebook page with a fundraising link for Alzheimer’s Society in 2016.

The clip went viral and he received thousands of messages. Ted secured a record deal and was given the Pride Of Britain award that year.

Together the pair have raised about £175,000 for Alzheimer’s charities and become the inspiration for a Japanese feature film yet to be released. Simon has also written a memoir about his dad and the diagnosis.

'Alzheimer’s disease can extinguish much of the brightness from family life and strip away everything ordinary. The experience can feel very bleak as though you're constantly saying farewell over a lengthy period. However, it doesn’t signify the conclusion of your journey; rather, it becomes an integral chapter within the broader story of life.'

There were also instances of genuine happiness, like when Simon took Ted to explore London to give Linda some respite.

'I strolled with him along the South Bank, and he was spouting nonsense. I brought him to the pub and got him a drink; then he began chatting with me as if we were total strangers, discussing his wife and son, expressing pride in me. That’s just not something our family does. It felt like a precious moment, quite moving,' recalls Simon.

'At a different time, when we were at a pub, my dad refused to take a seat. He continued chatting with a bunch of laborers who were enjoying pints. Despite their attempts to move on, he persisted. However, one of the workers remarked, "No worries—I completely understand your situation," before inviting him to join them for a drink at the bar. Such a wonderful fellow.'

Ted’s illness has now progressed significantly. He is frail and confused and may not always recognize Simon.

'The most important part is ensuring Dad feels both content and secure. Should you find yourself facing similar circumstances, remember that the universe will back you up. It’s okay to seek assistance as you bear this significant weight—there are groups out there ready to offer their support.'

'I've gained immense knowledge about my dad, life, and myself. This experience has instilled in me great patience and mental fortitude.'

'There are difficult days and days when I realize I've made an impact. This helps me keep things in perspective and understand what truly matters in life.'

"The Songs That Saved Us: My Dad, Dementia And Me" comes out in paperback on June 5th.

Worried about dementia?

If you're concerned about yourself or someone near you, use the Alzheimer's Society's symptom checklist today to assess your symptoms.

Visit alzheimers.org.uk/checklist Or contact their Dementia Support Line at 0333 150 3456.

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